This was always my favorite holiday. It just seemed like the most “right” and honest one. A time to give thanks and reflect on what our gifts are. More is spent on Christmas and Halloween, but this one just seems like the real one….that brings so many together. And brings us closer to understanding what our life is about.

I am always afraid I will be incomplete on this one…that I will forget something really important to give thanks for…I guess that is just part of being human about Thanksgiving…we cannot bring it all to a neat focus of thanks for all the things and people.

This year there are friends around me who have pain and loss…how can I be thankful, except that they are fighting the good fight on their own to overcome what we all must alone. This year there is joy in my life…some new friends…some new feelings I have not felt for a long time…and there are surprise good gifts…some dear friends who will come to our table to share turkey dinner…one of my best friends who will just show up….a real gift.

And then there are things that I remember that are also gifts of grace but are things given to us which we will never, never understand. One of these mysteries of life I will share on this Thanksgiving. It is a kind of gift, though one that has tragedy written all over it.

We took an adult swim class several summers ago. We got to know Quin. She was one of the swimmers and during the summer she conquered her fear of water and learned to swim so beautifully in the water. She was from a far off Asian land, but had married an American and was living a peaceful productive life at 28, working and finishing her degree at SDSU. At dinner once she told me her goal was to start a company and one day have a big house up on the cliffs in La Jolla overlooking the ocean.

In the horrendous fires that hit San Diego three years ago, Quin and her husband died one night trying to outrun the firestorm. They were found in their car with their dogs they were trying to save.

When we saw the news, it seemed so unreal. But the truth was that the world had lost Quin, and we had lost a friend.

I went through all the stages of grief. The anger, the sense of sadness…then the overwhelming sense of trying to understand or make some sense out of this tragedy. There is no sense to be made. It was just that we had to make peace and go on, not knowing.

I kept up trying to put things together, like somehow I could in an earthly way. No way…I just asked my God to give me some glimpse of it, some hint, something to live with this mystery….why a young, beautiful woman, in her prime, with palpable dreams, would go from us…..why?

The gift came one day….after I was just reflecting on everything I knew about Quin….everything we were given to know.

Water. Water is the only thing that can defeat fire. Quin was afraid of water when we first knew her. After a summer of swimming together, you could see how she just sailed along, so unafraid and so free across the water. She had conquered water. Water defeats fire. It is the only thing that can. The circle was complete. Quin had achieved her victory in life over her greatest fear. That gave me so much. Where did it come from? My mind? Where do these things come from? Within us? Or do they come from outside. Are they to be considered small gifts of what we can make sense out of the mystery of life as best we can?

Knowing this all will not bring back Quin, our friend. But, somehow, it helps me get through it better. Just a little bit better. It doesn’t help me understand why she was taken so young, or the way it happened. But to know that she conquered something and was so free and happy doing so that beats what took her life away….she made it across that bridge…and seeing her in that water is my gift that goes on, and on. That is a thing that can never be taken away. A connection that gives me some peace.

So Thanksgiving is almost here again, time for friends and good food and deep reflection on our lives. For the easy gifts, and for the ones harder earned. The mystery gifts that we need to get through. This one is for Quin…thanks for the sight of you skimming so gracefully across the water with such joy. You will take that to the stars. I will take that picture of you with me for as long as I can. Happy Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving….the time to ponder what we are, what we have and the only very small hints at the mysteries of the universe.